Sample from my book “Holy Crap…finding God’s presence in your pain”

Here is a small sample of a chapter I worked on today about people watching you when you are going through pain.  Remember, this is a “thoughts to paper” draft of this chapter and very rough, but gives a good idea where I am going with the chapter.  Thanks and enjoy!

Holy Crap…finding God’s presence in your pain – Chapter 9

People will watch your Pain

What is it with a traffic accident?  In Colorado there is an epidemic of “gawker traffic” that occurs whenever there is any kind of flashing lights on the side of the road.  I am a true believer that people (although they wont say it) are looking for as much blood and guts as possible when seeing the red and blue lights of any kind of emergency vehicle.  It really is interesting to think about what people would do if they actually did see something gruesome on the side of the road and have to mentally process it.  I think when people see an accident they are thinking a few things; they may want to see if they know anyone involved in the incident, maybe they are thanking God that it wasn’t them in the accident or they want to see the level of destruction involved so they have a juicy story when they get to the office.  I say all these things because I believe that pain and opposition in a persons life can evoke some of those same emotions to the world around them.  Maybe people around them react based on the level that they know the person affected by pain.  I know for my parents, sister and wife that my sickness has really challenged them in their faith and believe in God’s grace and power.  People may also ask how a person is doing just so they can have the “inside scoop” when other people ask how that person is doing.  When they are talking to the person in pain they are thinking in the back of their mind, “I am sure glad I am not going through what that person is dealing with.”  I feel like for the years I was sick I encountered every one of those types of people in conversations or just in knowing that people were watching Yolanda and I from the thirty five different doctors reviewing my case and looking in my eye, to people in our neighborhood to friends and family in the church.  I am not looking down or talking bad about those people looking at me in any of the ways I identified, I am just saying that its a fact that people will look at you and your life when you go through pain.  I really want this book to be able to help people on all levels of pain and crap they go through in life.  I firmly believe that crap happens in life and we have all kinds of opportunities to help others, help ourselves and let Jesus do something more amazing in the bad times than in the good.  When people are looking at you and the life you are living in pain, God has just allowed you to influence and affect the path of their life in a greater way than you could ever imagine.
Before I go into some of these elements, always remember that it is your decision if you want to matter to other people or if you just want to “turtle up” and go into survival mode with your pain.  Survival mode is the automatic reaction to a painful situation, but remember that the first, initial, gut reaction to anything usually not the right thing to do, think or say.  I cannot remember one time in my life when I reacted to something and it turned out well, helped anyone or made me not look stupid and reactionary to a situation.  When I stepped back, evaluated my situation and then ACTED on whatever was happening I always did my best to make the most out of the situation for myself and for others around me.  This is not just you programming yourself to do the right thing when people around you are looking at your life.  It takes effort on your part but it also takes the power of the Holy Spirit in your life to do this.  In the Bible, Phillipians 4:13 says “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  It still says that its “me” doing the things, but it is the power of Christ in my life that gives me the ability to live a life that is not only pleasing to him, but encouraging to the people around me.
There is one key thing to remember here; I am not saying I have done everything right with my attitude and actions when I came home from the eye doctors office with reports of moving closer to removing my eye, possibly going completely blind and probably dealing with medication for the rest of my life because of an overactive immune system.  This book, prayerfully, is for you to read and learn from my mistakes and also to learn something from the principles of going through crap and not just getting through it but, in some way, looking forward to them as growing experiences.

The amazing blessing to our family…Wilson

Today Yolanda and I had to put our little dog Wilson to sleep.  He was 16 years old and had been getting sick the past few days so we took him in this am to be put to sleep.  It was a sober reminder to me about the impact that Wilson has had on our lives.  Whenever you have a death of any kind in a family, you begin to talk and think about the life that was once a part of the family.  I know some would say, “he was just a dog” but Yolanda and I have never been without him as a couple.  She Got Wilson as a puppy when we were first dating and we have had him ever since.  We were talking about all the times that Wilson could have died from just doing stooopid things like getting out of the car on a trip from Florida to Springfield Missouri and running the WRONG WAY up the highway towards a birm in the road.  Or when he saw a cat at our house in Wyoming late one night and forgot he was on a leash and took a tumble on his head down eight concrete steps.  The best and most endearing memory I will have of him is when I was REALLY sick with my eye situation.  I remember one time when I was so sick that I didn’t want Yolanda or anyone else around including my dog.  Wilson knew something was wrong and kept trying to get closer to me on the couch.  I finally pushed him away with my foot, but he kept on creaping up to me.  I love my wife and she knows this with everything we have been through the past five years, but I can say without a doubt, that I probably would have killed myself if it wasn’t for Wilson.  I just had no reason to get out of bed some days and sometimes Wilson was the only reason I had to get up and get going with my day.  The mornings were always the hardest for me when I was sick, but Wilson was always right there with me.  There was a stretch of 11 months when I was out of work where I was with Wilson all day sometimes.  We definitely spent some good times together and now that he is gone I have a new respect for what he meant to me in this life.  I want to encourage you today with the death of my little dog Wilson.  My God loved me so much that he gave Yolanda and I a little Yorkie when we were first married but could see down the path of my life that I was going to need Wilson at my greatest point of need.  He gave me Wilson when he knew I was going to come to a place of giving up on life and needing to have a reason to go on.  The God I serve is so conerned about me that he would give our family that little dog to get my mind off of my eye rotting out of my head and on Wilson.  God knew I was going to have struggles with believing He was there but knew that Wilson could be that bridge for me to figure out it was God all along giving me what I needed exactly when I needed it.  Yolanda and I will miss Wilson, but that little dog served his purpose in this life and I am determined to do the same.  I will live my life for the cause of Christ and for the people around me that need to see that Jesus can take care of EVERYTHING they are going through.  This little blog post may seem a little dramatic, but you need to have stepped in my shoes the past five years to understand what Wilson and my God have meant to me.  It was Wilson’s love of me that kept me going and I know that it is the love I have for people that will help them in their time of need.  Hopefully, I will be that bridge for people to get from seeing a person loving them and lifting them up to a God that wants to know them and have a real relationship with them.  If you want to know more about Jesus and giving him more important role in your life, then send me and email and I will be in touch!  pbrian7@yahoo.com

Swine Flu and you…what we are really seeing in America

Well I don’t know about you, but I think I am fed up with hearing about swine flu (typed in all lower case letters for a reason).  I look on my twitter account and see that one of the most searched terms for the past couple of weeks has been swine flu.  This has really turned out to be more of a flop (in a good way) as far as the severity of the flu strain than it was first supposed to be.  People are contracting it and getting better with treatment and some news articles I have read said that it is just a different strain of the common flu.  One thing I find amazing is the way that the world has reacted to this epidemic of words and information about the flu.  The news has reported on it, people have blogged about it, facebook and myspace updates about everyday on it and just a “water cooler” type of buzz that has been infectious not in the disease but in the misinformation about it.  This swine flu has shown me one thing that is unequivocally true about this world and most of its inhabitants…they listen to anything the media and others say and then react to it.  I know that as a Christian, God has not called me to be reactionary in the way I live my life.  Not even on a Spiritual level, but when I react to situations in my life I let circumstances dictate to me how happy I am, how happy I make others around me and am just generally controlled by things other than Jesus.  We need to be the light of the world and this is not just wearing a sandwich board in the downtown area of town and screaming “turn or burn” to people passing by.  It is to have such a relationship with Jesus that we don’t react to situations as far reaching as swine flu or maybe with a coworker that just likes to push our buttons or when something traumatic happens to us in life.  The reason why I know this type of “light shining” will work is the proof of the reactionary nature of the world we live in.  Most people are just reacting to the things that happen in life instead of acting on them.  I am thankful that this flu has not been the pandemic it was first thought it could be, but look at the reaction to people because I really believe it can be an open door for seeing people move from reactionary in life to living a life with Jesus that is “actionary” (if that is even a word)

Susan Boyle and Crappy American Idol tryout kids

I watched the amazing video clip of Susan Boyle on Brittain’s Got Talent again today and also refelected back to the beautiful TV known as the American Idol auditions.  There is something very funny about those auditions for a couple of reasons.  1) The fact that pe0ple have seen the show and know that if they are not any good that Simon is going to trash them like 2 week expired milk.  2) VOLUNTERARILY sign a contract to be put on television and basically, be video foder for us the public to view and critique.  For the longest time, I thought, “Why in the heck would anyone who was that sucky of a singer, put themselves in from of a gajillion people to be made fun of?”  The simple answer, for most all the contestants that really were terrible, was that they really thought they were good enough to make it on the show and in the music industry.  They either had a mom who always told them that they were the greatest thing since sliced bread, which is not bad in itself, but basically lied to them and told them their singing was just as great (notice the mom’s comments on the American Idol link above).  Or maybe they had people around them who were too afraid to tell them they sucked so they encouraged the friend to go on Idol to have Simon “tell it like it is.”  For whatever reason, we all watched that television show like a trainwreak waiting to happen.  Then you have someone like Susan Boyle who, in every respect, is a very odd looking person with a strange lifestyle.  But when she opens her mouth and starts to sing, she could have on a pantsuit made of turd-smears and hair frizzed to the high heavens and it wouldn’t have mattered.
The interesting dichotomy here is that Susan probably didn’t have anyone to tell her that she was a great singer or encourage her to go onto Britain’s Got Talent before this season because of her physical appearance or just a lack of support around her to help tell her she was great.   She was probably always looked down on automatically (like Simon did in the the beginning of her audition) and has not had the people around her all through her life to tell her that she had a special gift to be shared with the world.
The point of my blog today is two questions; 1) are you being honest with people when they ask you for an evaluation of them in some way?  It is more important that we share things with people in private before they possibly look foolish in public. 2)Are you encouraging others to greatness?  Are you investing positive words of encouragement in kids, a spouse or a friend?  We are not on this earth to glorify ourselves but, I believe, to make others better than they would be without us.  Anyone can be a smart alek and say cutting things, but it is a true person of value who says things to build people up and help them be as great as they can be.

How’s this for a whopper…

We are entering our 21 days of prayer and fasting today leading up to Easter and I went on a walk today to pray and just seek God for what he wants me to do during these 21 days. I think I have a plan pretty much about what I want to do because this is the first time in about 5 years that I have been able to fast because of my former health issues. I am pretty excited and looking for God to do some great things for me but also for our church. The world has never needed the church and the power of the Holy Spirit more than ever in history possibly. I really believe we are at a crossroads as a country in the things we believe and just our general spiritual direction.
Ok, here is the whopper…I really feel like God wants me to pray specifically each day of the fast for people with terminal or chronic illness. These are the kinds of prayers that remind you of just how much you need to rely on God and his power working through you because just about everything in the physical realm says that things are not going to change. I am even believing for total restoration of my left eye and my vision also completely restored. When I was really sick all I wanted was to not lose my eye even if I had to be on drugs (some really powerful and crappy stuff) for the rest of my life. I am off all my drugs but now I want more not just for myself but for people that I have talked to that need healing. I am happy with whatever decision God has for my health and not giving me my vision and restored eye, but I really feel like I need to ask. I am not saying that I dont have faith to be healed, but that I have faith in my God that as long as I ask he will listen and do whats best for me. Chronic pain or sickness is something that we learn to “manage” in life instead of asking God to take it away many times. I am praying for people who I know need a touch from God and believing that God will have his way in all situations. I will still be doing Tuesday’s Facebook friend prayer day, but I am going to be using lunches for the next 3 weeks to really press in for people that need to not just hang on one more day but I believe its time to see a miracle in their situation. Send me requests to my message inbox http://profile.to/brianrmorris and I will be lifting you up for the next 3 weeks!!

change

Change is a very strange and organic thing.  Everyone of us is changing everyday.  The first day you were born is the first day you started to change and eventually die.  We are all getting older, but also wiser and smarter hopefully.  If you think about it, there are elements of change that we can control and things we cannot.  When sickness strikes you or your family that is a change.  I just wrote in my book a few weeks ago that when I got sick there were foods I couldn’t eat, vacations I couldn’t go on and just things I couldn’t do.  The problem with all the change in my life is that I was not ready for it.  I had not changed enough in my relationship with Jesus to be ready for the physical storm i was about to endure.  I always find it interesting that the universal term for a relationship with Jesus is a “walk” with him.  I can “stand for him”, but my relationship with him is known as a walk.  Just the word “walk” to me indicates a moving from one place to another.  Not by anyone elses standards, but if my “change” with Christ has not matured to a place to be ready for the crappy changes that are guarenteed to happen to me, I will not be ready for the pain that negative change can bring.  Think of it this way; we have opportunities to grow, change and become a better person everyday.  The “changes” in our lives that are painful (physical illness, family issues, mental stresses) will test or show how much true GOOD change has happened in us.  So here are some things to take away from this; if you are in the middle of “crappy change” in your life and feel like you are losing the battle, then know that all that’s happening is a showing of the changes you need to make in your life that you can control.  It is always easier to look at the pain of a situation instead of thinking about who you want to be on the other side of it.  The other thing to remember is that without a test of where we are in life then can we truely say we are growing or changing into who God wants us to be?   We need to look at pain and the crap of life as a test and meet it head on with an expectation that we are going to get through it or learn something valuable about ourselves that needs “change.”  I want to develop this a bit more in the coming days so stay tuned…

Having fun in life

I can remember a time not long ago when I had lost the fun in my life.  I was depressed, thought I had it worse than anyone else and really didnt want to have any contact socially with people.  When you are sick or going through crap in your life that is one of the byproducts.  I was being my “old goofy self” the other day and Yolanda said that she thought i was high…i told her I was “high on life and high on her!”  I think that having fun in life is paramount to our emotional health.  Not just going and doing fun things (although I think its fun to go to Alaska in June but really having an attitude that says “I am going to make the most out of today.”  Your perspective changes and you are more of a joy to be around.  If you look at the happiest and more fulfilled people in life (not just Christian’s) they are ones who, in some way during their week, are giving to others and have a joyful attitude of seeing someone else changed by their positive attitude.  The cool thing about loving Jesus is that I not only have joy to share that makes people feel good in this life but a hope of spending eternity with God forever.  If you don’t really have a relationship with Jesus I encourage you to find a greater fun and joy than you have ever known.  I know that i would have NEVER made it through the crap of my life without Jesus and the church body of friends at ORCC.  If you are going through something in life that seems insurmountable then my advise to you is to try even harder each day to find one thing positive so that you dont lose your joy.  Remember, God said that life is about seasons and we are promised to go through them.  We dont live in a “spiritual Florida” where there is pretty much one season of hot.  :)  Joy is the key to unlocking a great life.  You can have it but its a decision and not a condition.  Think about it.

fun video for…you know who?!?!?!

Heaven is only referred to as plural

Pastor Sarah preached yesterday at the church and this point really stuck out to me.  We are starting our series on small groups called Living IN Community or “LINC” and she made a statement that when I heard it just made sense.  She said that in the Bible, heaven is usually referred to in a plural sense.  This struck me because I also remembered that hell is referred to continually in scripture as total aloneness or isolation.  If we think of these two thoughts on a macroscopic scale, heaven is about relationships and connecting humans to help enhance lives with a sense of community and a hope of spending eternity with Jesus.  Hell, on the other hand, is about isolation and seperating people so they will feel defeated and give up.  I know the lowest points in my life have always been when I felt alone or didnt feel like I had someone to talk to or connect with.  If you dont attend church then start.  If you attend church, volunteer and get involved in a small group of people.  Jesus only wants the best for you which includes feeling like you are not alone in this life and doing it all on your own.  The devil wants to steal, kill and destroy but he can only do that by isolation.  Every church I know has issues.  But don’t let that stop you from connecting to others who have issues just like you and I do.

failures all have one thing in common…

People who are failures in life all have one thing in common; they all quit. Whatever you are going through in life, don’t quit. When you quit you take the first and most important step in failing. When you don’t quit you put yourself in a position to see something extraordinary in your life. Think of this; if you tried something and were not successful, think of what caused you not to succeed. Usually when you fail at something you learn more than if you were successful and automatically good at it.   You also normally learn something that may be able to help others. Think about it.